It seems very difficult for some children when they grow up and forget what their father had done to their mother, they used it against them. Mothers receive all the blessing from the children. They forget all what the man has done, paying the school fees, house rent, all the luxuries they enjoyed provided by their father.
Men should rethink their steps if they want to be closer to their children when they grow up and be independent on their own. It is so sad that when children grow up, they forget their father but remember only their mother. When children are still small, husband and wife overlook the damage they cause when their children see them fighting in hostile ways with each other. They overlook the fact that their children’s innocence is assaulted whenever they hear/see their parent’s abusive behaviour.
Any couple will tell you that marriage is no bed of roses. It has its ups and downs like any other relationship. Fighting and making up is all part of the game. But parents often forget that they are parents when having a battle royal with their spouses. They are so intent on shouting down their spouses, making their respective points and saying hurtful things that they overlook the fact that the fight does not affect just the two of them but also their children. Children are very observant and sensitive.
When children see the two people they love the most pitted against each other,it hurts them deeply! Their young minds just can’t process that type of behavior in mature ways. (From their behaviour it’s evident that many parents have the same problem, the best thing you can do for your marriage and for your kids is to recognize that disagreements and quarrels are a private matter that needs to be identified and resolved between you and your spouse without an audience.
Parents who fight in front of their children are harming the psyche of their children unknowingly. Children are very sensitive so they get easily affected by the fighting between their parents. Read on the tips for being a good parent.
How couple can avoid frightening with each other in the present of their children:
Drawing the lines of battle
So before you start screaming about your husband having lost a tidy pile on the stock market or arguing with your wife about how she doesn’t show enough respect to your parents, stop and think that your children are likely to be the spellbound audience to your little family drama. And it will be disturbing rather than entertaining for them. However, this does not mean that parents do not have the right to fight or argue just because they are parents. It is just that they will have to learn to express their anger and communicate their frustration in private and in ways that do not affect their children adversely.
The parent’s manual to a ‘good’ fight
Put yourself in your children’s shoes. Would you like to be a spectator to your fights?
Counting to ten is a tried and tested method of dealing with anger. Try not to argue when you’re seeing red. Take time to cool off before discussing your problems.
Remember that when it comes to fighting between spouses, it doesn’t help to fight fire with fire. Raising your voice, name-calling and door-slamming will only serve to fuel the fight.
When you give yourself time to cool off and think you will often find that while you may think you’re fighting about long working hours or money, it may actually just be a manifestation of the fact that you’re tired, under stress or feeling neglected. Try to analyze what the real issue is.
Try not to focus on laying blame and trying to make your spouse grovel and see the error of his or her ways. The idea is to come to a solution not to punish your spouse.
If you have issues to resolve with your spouse try to wait till your children are asleep or go into another room to have your argument.
If you’ve had a massive argument in front of your children, make it a point to let them know that they are not to blame and that sometimes parents do fight, but it does not mean that they love each other or their children any less.
If possible, try to explain what you were upset about in simple terms that they can understand. But try not to alarm them or speak in a manner that they feel obliged to take sides or turn hostile to your spouse.
Explain to your children that losing your temper was a mistake and that you may have said many things you didn’t mean just because you were angry.
Make every attempt to make up with your spouse so that you can present a united, normal front to your children as soon as possible.
Watch the video below and see the negative effect on women and their children: