Why do some women sleep around? Does sleeping around have anything to do with self-esteem? And finally, why do some people associate female (but not male) promiscuity with low self-esteem?
that the first person that you are accountable to is the young lady in the mirror. If the things you do leave you fulfilled and happy, and you can look yourself in the mirror and hold your head up high afterwards, then it is fine.
LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF
The problem comes when you find yourself ashamed of the things that you did. You wake up having lost a part of your soul with each person that you sleep with. That is terrible.
Let us forget for a minute the judgements and stereotypes of society. Let us just talk about you. Let us talk about self-preservation. See, if you were just a sexual being and just a woman who happens to be comfortable with her own sexuality.
I honestly think that we need to get past the age where men are allowed to be sexual and to do what they want with their bodies, while women are not. Sadly, that is not what I am getting from your letter. Your message is telling me that after your sexual exploits, you walk away sad and hating yourself.
You also feel ashamed. Those are traits of sexual addiction. Addiction to porn is a big red flag. Chronic self-pleasuring, having multiple partners and cheating on partners are also red flags.
THE SHAME FACTOR
The reason you are contemplating leaving your current university is because you are probably ashamed of seeing and being seen by the people that you have been having sex with. And young men being what they are, they have probably not been very discreet about their exploits with you.
These are all signs of sexual addiction. You need to take a look at where it comes from and seek professional help as soon as possible.
UNDERSTANDING SEXUAL ADDICTION
Sexual addiction manifests itself in two ways: replacing sex for love and pursuing varied or extreme sexual activities that are focused on the sex acts, not on any type of connection between two people. Does all of this sound like you?
You will need to do a lot of soul searching. Most importantly, you need to gradually learn that you can be accepted and loved beyond sex.
DO NOT LOSE HOPE
This could have been caused by a struggle to get accepted and fit into your new environment. It could also be you lashing out and rebelling against your strict upbringing.
Ultimately, only you can bring change into your life. Get sexual addiction counselling; perhaps do more reading on sexual addiction and even join a support group. It all starts with you taking the first step: admitting that you have a problem. You can’t change it until you have acknowledged it. Get the help you clearly need. Please give this situation a lot of thought. I have only given my opinion based on what you have shared with me.
Women who have slept with a lot of men, what are your surprising insights?” was recently posed. Although there were some banal (and bizarre) answers—there were also a lot of ‘handy’ tips.
So: these are the biggest mistakes guys make when sleeping around—plus how to fix them. Your partner/partners can thank us later.
Claiming To Be Kinky When You’re Really Not
One of the biggest disappointments women expressed was, “(The) men that are excited to tell you they are kinky usually aren’t.”
And the biggest turn-on? Guys who are subtle about their bedroom ‘proclivities’: “It’s always the guys who you think would be vanilla who turn out to be the nastiest (in a good way).
Exaggerating Your ‘Skillset’
Following on from being misleading about your ‘kinkiness’, according to female commenters, the number of men who exaggerate their experience and/or skill set is “disappointingly high.”
“I’ve had a dude spend all night sweet talking me about how he was turned into a monster in bed, and when I asked him to slap me he just sorta caressed my face. Wouldn’t even slap my ass for real.”
Not Being Able To Multi-Task
Although this is less of an expectation and more of a bonus, the consensus of the thread was that, “If you find yourself a man who uses his hand to stimulate you (at the same time you’re) having sex, he’s a keeper.”
On the flip side, if your partner would rather do it themself, as the following story shows, let them: “One of mine felt inadequate if I stimulated myself and insisted on doing it himself. Then, no matter what directions I gave he just couldn’t get it right.”
“I didn’t enjoy sleeping with him at all. I could neither take the wheel and make it good for myself nor enjoy his completely wrong motions.”
Not Having A Good Attitude
The resounding opinion on this topic is best expressed in one comment, “If a guy is an asshole, he’s going to make you feel like crap after you sleep with him. It doesn’t matter what your intentions are.”
On the contrary, “If a guy is decent, you’ll feel fine afterward, even if it was just a one night stand.” So keep tabs on your attitude and motivation.
Going Too Fast
This one seems to come with experience, with many pointing out, “The younger they are, the faster they fuck thinking that will make you orgasm.” However, “The older ones know that a good pace is key and understand the importance of communication.”
Being Too Proud To Take A Back Seat
Although most of us don’t have a problem with this, the women of Reddit had a rather lengthy discussion around how “guys are usually very open to being told what to do and how to do it right.” Which means that if you’re not part of this majority you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage.
“Getting a woman off gets most guys going. Use this to your advantage often ladies.”
Getting The Wrong Condom Size
Although we know a fair few guys who are deluded the other way round, due to societal pressure and insecurity, the women Redditors reckoned, “Most men with large penises think they are average and most with average penises think they are small.”
“As a result a lot of guys have been using the wrong size condom and hating them as a result.”
One woman said, “When I first started seeing my fiancé condoms would pop all the time and he said they were so uncomfortable. Finally, I was like listen, I think those are too small, you should get bigger condoms. He did; they were much more comfortable.”
“He was amazed because he was 29 and had been using too small condoms since he was a teenager, and now we joke about his ‘magnum dong’.”
Assuming You Are Going To Be The Emotionally Detached One
“The idea that men want to f*ck and women want to make love is complete bullshit. I have no idea where that bizarre idea came from.” ‘Nough said.
Relying Purely On Your Looks
One woman revealed how, for her, “Feeling comfortable and not pressured is more a determining factor (in good sex) than how hot a guy is.”
“If I grow comfortable around you and feel like I know you that has way more clout than just plain good looks. I mean this in terms of attraction really and chemistry.”
Choosing The Wrong Partners
Pro tip: “If you’re looking for a FWB situation, find a guy you genuinely like as a person, have sexual chemistry with but have plenty of reasons for not actually dating,” one woman said. “During times when I was not ready or interested in a relationship,” she continued, “I had fantastic FWB situations because we went in with complete honesty.”
Faking An Orgasm
Although men aren’t exactly known for this, one guy jumped in with an awkward situation that a guy can get himself stuck in when he’s too embarrassed, to be honest: “We were mid f*cking and she says, ‘Don’t cum’, right before I came; I continued on hoping she wouldn’t notice and uhh…technically fake my orgasm?”